`Colours of the rainbow

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

okay. i think i may b really boring for this entry cos i haf gotta to pour out all these thoughts. so please bear with me or skip this entry.

life kinda sucks now. i am seriously doubtful of my ability. today was the last day to check all our papers for this mid-years exams. frankly speaking i dun think i did very well and there are subjects that obviously need more time and effort to master it and obtain my A1.

now there's this direct school admission thing for sec 4 students to apply for.i dun noe if it's really beneficial for me. all i noe is that it will increase the amount of competition posed for us. juz this afternoon i went for some HCI talk on their sch and the DSA programme. from wat i gather, hc may only b having 70 places for dsa programme and another 280 plus places for pple entering thru o levels results.

this is bad for mme i guess.i noe i cant place hopes on my cca and i dun haf any other special talents that are worth special attention. so i am only left with my results. this is REALLY bad.

cos i got an atrocious L1R5 of 14 points. imagine that. i wld b laffing my head off if any school wld even want to consider me with those kinds of mid yrs results. seriously i am extremely jealous of pple with outstanding cca talents and performance. sometimes it juz dun seem right and just for them to get into top schools so easily juz bcos of their cca. it makes me feel really helpless when i cant even carry the slightest hope of doing the same thing.

at times i can be really proud to know my limits to such a clear extend. but at other times like these, i hate it. the truth becomes so cruelly blunt, I cant help but notice how my hopes begin to diminish. I know so clearly I have no outstanding talents in my cca nor do I haf any in my academic.

I seem more like a Jack of all trades but a master of none…

And I dun really like it.

My parents are constantly bugging me about this direct admission thing. And it is irritating me. It’s hurting my ego in simpler terms. I have always looked forward to the day when I can proudly tell others I got a 6 for my o level. Now with this direct school admission, students are rushing for it like mad. My mother seem to take it like a life saver, something that would ensure a reserved place for me in hwa chong. I dun want this.

It may feel very good and assuring if I get accepted but I am very confident of getting my 6 points. I know I haf the ability so why not do it the glorious waY? there may still be quite a distance before I reach all my A1s but I will reach it. Right?

Looking at the present situation, I am sure to be down for at least 4 dates with my teachers. Haha. It SHOULD help I guess.. how how how??? Hwa chong keeps coming to pull students there and convincing us that it is the right choice for us. But now, my main problem is for them to identify and try to believe that I shld get in there and I shld be the right choice for hwa chong too..

I dun know if I have been putting too much emphasis on the wrong things and areas. I noe I placed pretty much of my time and commitment on ways to develop my leadership skills. But this is not recognized by many people. It may be a bonus but never a main and steady criteria. So wat shld I dO?

I am tired. And I haven’t even done much. I haven’t even started the real race. I haven’t even started to feel the pressure and receive the drilling from our teachers. And I am already here feeling lost. Not too confident of surviving the whole year. At least not now.

But I will pull through.

Just like many other seniors, I will pull through and make it to my nine A1s. (goal set by me, Eunice and Sarah for 4/8).

Hehe.. and I will try my best to make sure people around me obtain their A1s too. After tat I want to start helping my juniors and potential customers (to my tuition service) to receive their desired number of A1s too..

Oh yeah.. before I forget, I juz changed the blog layout. Hehe. It’s the initial D one. Hehe. Edison chen and Jay zhou would be acting. Hehe. Watch it kAY?

Coming out on 23 June!! Don’t miss it. hehe..

Finally, the end of my super long entry. If you finish reading this whole piece of boring thing that I mayself may never want to read, CONGRATS! You’ve just once again proved the power of my charisma. Hehe…

Just kidding…

xinwei

A Xinwei rainbow appeared at 6:20 PM

***